can’t not post. also, that video still.
Yesterday, I woke up with a very bad headache. I have been trying to drink more water, filling this Brita water bottle I got for free in a work fitness challenge raffle (yes) three times per day (and peeing every 30 minutes because of it). But I skipped a day, drank three or four glasses of wine, and woke up feeling like someone had seared my brain til it caramelized.
I took a shower and decided I’d treat myself to driving to work. I try not to make a habit of it, because it’s only a thirty-minute Metro ride to my office, and parking costs $10. But sometimes that thirty-minute Metro ride (with transfer to the cursed Red Line, UGH) is enough to send me over the edge. Yesterday, I played it safe.
I hadn’t yet unleashed my car from its snow case, though, so I went to work on that around 7:30, thinking it would take five minutes, since the temperature had warmed.
Nope. It was rough. I was sweating and freezing by the time I finished.
I got in my car 15 minutes after I started and headed first to The Coffee Bar, my new favorite coffee place. On my way, I felt a twinge of nausea in my upper abdomen. I took a deep breath, but couldn’t keep the wave from rising. After a slow pause at a four-way stop, I needed to pull over and throw up a little bit. Before 8am. On a Wednesday.
For the rest of the day, I drank water and tea. After work, I did gentle yoga. There, there, body. Shhh.
This morning, I read two jokes about monocles before I felt compelled to Google the word and discover it has apparently returned as a fashion accessory. Who are these people that can not only get to work without puking, but wear a small circular lens instead of full-fledged frames?
This morning, I took my future into my index finger and pressed “submit” on my application to enroll in the University of Maryland’s School of Social Work.
I asked for recommendations, revised my resume, and wrote three essays. I faxed a form to American asking them to mail UMD my undergraduate transcripts. I paid sixty dollars. The greyed-out button means it’s real, that it all came together in time, that I will be considered.
I am still working on my book, and I will finish it soon. I am writing it every weekend, for most of the weekend, and on weekdays when I am not drained or too stressed from tiredness and day job woes. I’m currently stuck on an edit in the past, so on Saturday, I wrote a chapter I hadn’t written before (most of the work I’m doing lately is editing chunks from previous drafts and then piecing those chunks together to form a story that’s woven instead of one that sits on a line). On Sunday, I finished the epilogue.
I cannot bank on the book selling just as I cannot bank on anything. Its success is hardly guaranteed, and I needed to alleviate some of the pressure I’ve been putting on myself by making a different future-move, one I’ve aspired to since Clark’s death necessitated a more direct service-oriented career path. I had been putting off applying until after the book, or, somewhat jokingly, until I’m 35, when my friends are having babies and I am not. But suddenly, it could not wait.
So, sometime, probably in 2015, and maybe much later, I will go to UMD or somewhere for graduate school and I will change my career and become a social worker, a counselor, a facilitator, an anything that helps people in the way I want to help them, through personal connections and maximized resources and therapy.
I will turn 30 in three weeks. As for more long-term goals, I hope to own a dog by the time I am 40.